Milo is quiet, until he hears the neighbor make noise than he is not quiet.
We all say we want quiet. But when is to quiet, to quiet?. For example, right now I am sitting hear, Milo is curled up next to me sleeping, but he dreams and makes noise in his sleep, not quiet. I am sitting hear writing, no TV. No radio, but I hear the fridge, the clock, the birds, I have a parrot and a love bird, they are usually quiet but sometimes they chirp for who knows why, and the cats will get up and walk around, not much noise, but you do hear them doing small things like getting into a box or cleaning themselves. I can hear the train in the distance even though I am over a mile away from the tracks. I can hear a truck or car go down the road though I am in a rural town on a small back road and of course I can hear the squirrels jumping from the trees onto my roof. Like I said, it is quiet!!!!
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Thursday, September 24, 2015
Fluency blog 10
Milo is in a jumping around mood. The problem with that is, when he jumps on the back of my legs, he scratches!!!!!
I am finally getting into a school routine that works very nicely. I was trying so hard to find organization in how to do homework and keep up with other daily routines. I have been out of school for so long , it really took me some time to get a regular school work system that worked. I am detail oriented and I hate when things do not go as planned.
The hardest class so far has been TEC-108. This is math for the trades. The class is basically a refresher course on all kinds of math. I was very bad at math in elementary and high school. I was lucky to pass by the skin of my teeth. I remember in algebra class I was doing so bad that the teacher told me that she didn't care if I did the algebra work as long as I came to class, was quiet, I could work on what ever I wanted, pretty bad for me and what a bad teacher. She did this because I was failing so bad that she thought I wasn't trying. I got some much needed help from some freshman girls, oh I forgot to mention that I took freshman algebra as a senior. Anyway, the girls loved a band called Duran, Duran, I was a hair band guy, we were total opposites as far as music, but we got along very well and they helped me learn enough to pass.
The Tec-108 class was very hard on me in the beginning. I have worked hard on a daily routine that lets me work on all of my classes and I feel that I am getting organized. I am so surprised at how much homework I have.
ENG-101 is, of course, a composition class. That means lots of writing. I like to write. The one thing I was good at in high school was writing. My COM-105 class is cool. That is about speech writing and speech giving. I am good at speaking to groups and this is one class I really like. I have learned a lot about the speech giving and writing process. My other classes are seated classes. One is EGR-!05. This is a lecture course for new engineers. We get to hear a different speaker talk about his or her engineering field. The other seated course is IMT- 100 which is basic safety for the trades. We have learned about all aspects of job safety that affects people that work in industrial type jobs.
I am getting into a groove. I am finally finding my place at school and being able to get comfortable with a routine of studying and keeping up with my normal daily life.
I am finally getting into a school routine that works very nicely. I was trying so hard to find organization in how to do homework and keep up with other daily routines. I have been out of school for so long , it really took me some time to get a regular school work system that worked. I am detail oriented and I hate when things do not go as planned.
The hardest class so far has been TEC-108. This is math for the trades. The class is basically a refresher course on all kinds of math. I was very bad at math in elementary and high school. I was lucky to pass by the skin of my teeth. I remember in algebra class I was doing so bad that the teacher told me that she didn't care if I did the algebra work as long as I came to class, was quiet, I could work on what ever I wanted, pretty bad for me and what a bad teacher. She did this because I was failing so bad that she thought I wasn't trying. I got some much needed help from some freshman girls, oh I forgot to mention that I took freshman algebra as a senior. Anyway, the girls loved a band called Duran, Duran, I was a hair band guy, we were total opposites as far as music, but we got along very well and they helped me learn enough to pass.
The Tec-108 class was very hard on me in the beginning. I have worked hard on a daily routine that lets me work on all of my classes and I feel that I am getting organized. I am so surprised at how much homework I have.
ENG-101 is, of course, a composition class. That means lots of writing. I like to write. The one thing I was good at in high school was writing. My COM-105 class is cool. That is about speech writing and speech giving. I am good at speaking to groups and this is one class I really like. I have learned a lot about the speech giving and writing process. My other classes are seated classes. One is EGR-!05. This is a lecture course for new engineers. We get to hear a different speaker talk about his or her engineering field. The other seated course is IMT- 100 which is basic safety for the trades. We have learned about all aspects of job safety that affects people that work in industrial type jobs.
I am getting into a groove. I am finally finding my place at school and being able to get comfortable with a routine of studying and keeping up with my normal daily life.
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
fluency blog 9 Why do people not do what they say
Milo is sleepy,
I do my best to keep appointments with people. I think that if you make an appointment with someone you should keep that appointment Calling 2 min before your scheduled time to say you are going to be late is just not nice.
I had an appointment with a person to come and look at my house for sale in Seymour Mo. Myself and my wife drove out to Seymour and got the house opened up, aired out and ready to show. We got there about 1 hour early so we would could spruce up the yard and garden, make the place look nice. We were working on the yard and we got a text from the potential customer asking if they could be late. I said we would be there for a while so they should come when they can, thinking that they would probably be a few minutes late. Well the woman texted back and asked if they could come at 4:30 pm. Normally I wouldn't mind waiting a little while, but this woman's original appointment was at 2 pm and she texted me at 2pm and asked if she could come at 4:30!!!!!! We made the appointment the day before, she knew she was coming at 2pm. She let me know by text at 2pm when she was suppose to be there that she was still loading a truck. She should have called or texted me sooner and said " I'm sorry ,but we have gotten behind, can we reschedule". The lack of respect of some people is mind blowing, this woman is 54 years old !!!! She knows better. Just rude, very rude. They finally showed up at 5:25 pm. I nicely showed the house to her and her boyfriend. She loved the house. She wanted the house, really bad.
In my ad for the sale of the house, my wife has written in very plain, English language, that we are selling the house, no renting, no rent to own and no owner finance option, the house is for sale, only. My wife has been nice enough to even include names and numbers of different finance company's. She has included private investors along with traditional mortgage companies. Well to put the candle on the cake on this day of showing the house to the very rude, late woman, she tells us that she wants the house, has to have the house and then says, " How much a month do you need to sell this house, I want to make the deal right now". My wife very nicely said " the house is for sale and that monthly price would be based on your finance company. Well, for her, that would not do. After all she had been a real estate sales agent [ right, and my dog Milo drives a car ] and that she had the comps [ she had no idea what she was saying ] all figured out and she wanted the house and we were going to give her what she wanted, we were going to give ownership to her and she would pay us 400.$ a month . We were very nice, yet completely frustrated and said that if she wanted the house she would have to find financing. She said no to our kind offer [ Don't I own this house ? ] and again gave us her terms and demanded we give her what she wanted. Well after some more of this craziness we said that we had to leave and go home and feed our son and that she could text, not call [ No way ] and we could talk about helping her find financing. Thank goodness she said OK and we got into our own vehicles and left, wow. I am still real ling from that wonderful day.
Thank you.
Scott Hasemeier
I do my best to keep appointments with people. I think that if you make an appointment with someone you should keep that appointment Calling 2 min before your scheduled time to say you are going to be late is just not nice.
I had an appointment with a person to come and look at my house for sale in Seymour Mo. Myself and my wife drove out to Seymour and got the house opened up, aired out and ready to show. We got there about 1 hour early so we would could spruce up the yard and garden, make the place look nice. We were working on the yard and we got a text from the potential customer asking if they could be late. I said we would be there for a while so they should come when they can, thinking that they would probably be a few minutes late. Well the woman texted back and asked if they could come at 4:30 pm. Normally I wouldn't mind waiting a little while, but this woman's original appointment was at 2 pm and she texted me at 2pm and asked if she could come at 4:30!!!!!! We made the appointment the day before, she knew she was coming at 2pm. She let me know by text at 2pm when she was suppose to be there that she was still loading a truck. She should have called or texted me sooner and said " I'm sorry ,but we have gotten behind, can we reschedule". The lack of respect of some people is mind blowing, this woman is 54 years old !!!! She knows better. Just rude, very rude. They finally showed up at 5:25 pm. I nicely showed the house to her and her boyfriend. She loved the house. She wanted the house, really bad.
In my ad for the sale of the house, my wife has written in very plain, English language, that we are selling the house, no renting, no rent to own and no owner finance option, the house is for sale, only. My wife has been nice enough to even include names and numbers of different finance company's. She has included private investors along with traditional mortgage companies. Well to put the candle on the cake on this day of showing the house to the very rude, late woman, she tells us that she wants the house, has to have the house and then says, " How much a month do you need to sell this house, I want to make the deal right now". My wife very nicely said " the house is for sale and that monthly price would be based on your finance company. Well, for her, that would not do. After all she had been a real estate sales agent [ right, and my dog Milo drives a car ] and that she had the comps [ she had no idea what she was saying ] all figured out and she wanted the house and we were going to give her what she wanted, we were going to give ownership to her and she would pay us 400.$ a month . We were very nice, yet completely frustrated and said that if she wanted the house she would have to find financing. She said no to our kind offer [ Don't I own this house ? ] and again gave us her terms and demanded we give her what she wanted. Well after some more of this craziness we said that we had to leave and go home and feed our son and that she could text, not call [ No way ] and we could talk about helping her find financing. Thank goodness she said OK and we got into our own vehicles and left, wow. I am still real ling from that wonderful day.
Thank you.
Scott Hasemeier
Friday, September 18, 2015
Fluency blog 8 Too much crazy on TV
Milo and me are just sitting here.
Have you watched TV much lately? So much reality crazy, nutty, and just out there stuff. I have seen little people, Bigfoot, UFOs, lots of Police reality stuff. You can watch what ever you want. I do admit, I like a lot of the stuff. I watch the Bigfoot people, hoping someone will actually get that perfect picture. Maybe someone will find a Bigfoot body, or maybe Bigfoot will just walk up and say, " BOO ".
The police reality shows are fun. Getting to see drunk people try and walk a straight line. Hold a foot up and out for ten seconds. It is silly, but sad. You know those drunks were actually driving a car just before the cop gets them. Scary when you think about that. How many drunks are out there right now driving?
I like the UFO. people. They all seem so smart and highly educated. The fact is, do we know what is out there? My take is the universe is so big, there must be more than us, I hope. I hope they, the aliens, are in interested in us, like we are of them. I don't want to be alien food." To serve man " a great Twilight Zone episode where people are on a space ship. They find a book titled " To serve man ". They think the aliens are going to take care of them until they realize the book is a cook book!!!!!!
So many channels to watch. When I was a kid we had five or six channels, one was the religious channel, but now, whoa, where do you begin.
Have you watched TV much lately? So much reality crazy, nutty, and just out there stuff. I have seen little people, Bigfoot, UFOs, lots of Police reality stuff. You can watch what ever you want. I do admit, I like a lot of the stuff. I watch the Bigfoot people, hoping someone will actually get that perfect picture. Maybe someone will find a Bigfoot body, or maybe Bigfoot will just walk up and say, " BOO ".
The police reality shows are fun. Getting to see drunk people try and walk a straight line. Hold a foot up and out for ten seconds. It is silly, but sad. You know those drunks were actually driving a car just before the cop gets them. Scary when you think about that. How many drunks are out there right now driving?
I like the UFO. people. They all seem so smart and highly educated. The fact is, do we know what is out there? My take is the universe is so big, there must be more than us, I hope. I hope they, the aliens, are in interested in us, like we are of them. I don't want to be alien food." To serve man " a great Twilight Zone episode where people are on a space ship. They find a book titled " To serve man ". They think the aliens are going to take care of them until they realize the book is a cook book!!!!!!
So many channels to watch. When I was a kid we had five or six channels, one was the religious channel, but now, whoa, where do you begin.
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Fluency blog 7 Trees
Milo and I have been sitting here all morning doing homework. We have a guest, one of the cats, Oliver, is having a nice nap on some of my homework. Why do cats like boxes and paper?
I like tress. There are so many here in southwest Missouri. I am from Southern Arizona. People think there are no trees there. They would be mistaken. The desert has many wonderful trees. The Mesquite, The Palo Verde, The Saguaro cactus, The Ocotillo to just name a few. The desert can be full of green. There are many places where the Saguaro cactus grow like a forest.
The flowers are wonderful. the big cactus plants have some very colorful flowers. The Saguaro flower is beautiful. There are many places in the desert where wild flowers bloom like crazy. There is a spot between Tucson and Phoenix where the wild flowers are famous for the amount and the beauty they give.
Yes, I like trees. I like the trees here in Missouri. The Walnut, The Pecan, The Ash, The Box elder, The Oak, The Elm, The Dogwood and the Elm to name a few. When I moved here I was so surprised about how many trees there are in Missouri. There are over 50 common types. I have Some property outside Seymour Mo. and the place has many trees. The view from my porch is amazing. The trees in spring and summer are so full, it feels like you could walk from tree top to tree top. My son got married on the property. The pictures are perfect. He and his wife could have not picked a more wonderful spot.
Here is a funny story about Walnut trees. When I first moved here from Arizona, I noticed that one of the trees had a fruit. Well I thought it was a fruit. I asked my mother in law and she said " What fruit? " Well I showed her and she got a laugh. I was holding a walnut. Where I am from there is a lot of citrus trees. The walnut looked like a un-ripe orange. I learned something new that day.
I do love the beauty and the strength of the tree. It is so wonderful that we have so many different trees all over south west Missouri.
Thank you, Scott Hasemeier.
I like tress. There are so many here in southwest Missouri. I am from Southern Arizona. People think there are no trees there. They would be mistaken. The desert has many wonderful trees. The Mesquite, The Palo Verde, The Saguaro cactus, The Ocotillo to just name a few. The desert can be full of green. There are many places where the Saguaro cactus grow like a forest.
The flowers are wonderful. the big cactus plants have some very colorful flowers. The Saguaro flower is beautiful. There are many places in the desert where wild flowers bloom like crazy. There is a spot between Tucson and Phoenix where the wild flowers are famous for the amount and the beauty they give.
Yes, I like trees. I like the trees here in Missouri. The Walnut, The Pecan, The Ash, The Box elder, The Oak, The Elm, The Dogwood and the Elm to name a few. When I moved here I was so surprised about how many trees there are in Missouri. There are over 50 common types. I have Some property outside Seymour Mo. and the place has many trees. The view from my porch is amazing. The trees in spring and summer are so full, it feels like you could walk from tree top to tree top. My son got married on the property. The pictures are perfect. He and his wife could have not picked a more wonderful spot.
Here is a funny story about Walnut trees. When I first moved here from Arizona, I noticed that one of the trees had a fruit. Well I thought it was a fruit. I asked my mother in law and she said " What fruit? " Well I showed her and she got a laugh. I was holding a walnut. Where I am from there is a lot of citrus trees. The walnut looked like a un-ripe orange. I learned something new that day.
I do love the beauty and the strength of the tree. It is so wonderful that we have so many different trees all over south west Missouri.
Thank you, Scott Hasemeier.
Fuency blog six
Milo can curl up and put his nose under his tail like a ball, at least his nose is warm.
Teachers are wonderful. The education that is required to teach is a lot. Teachers have to start with a BS. in education. That is not the end. Continuing education must go on through their career. Pay is not very good. To compare a teacher with a person in the private sector, the person in the private sector makes money, gets better benefits.
Now you might think, "Why would after spending four to five years going to college, spending all that money and time would someone pick a carear like teaching. Well simply, they love what they do. I have heard it called getting the teaching bug, that bug bites. The amount of education a teacher must have is huge, the pay and benefits, small, very small.
Why do they do it? Its not the money. The ones who do stay and teach do it because they know it matters. They know that they are making a difference.
Teachers are wonderful. The education that is required to teach is a lot. Teachers have to start with a BS. in education. That is not the end. Continuing education must go on through their career. Pay is not very good. To compare a teacher with a person in the private sector, the person in the private sector makes money, gets better benefits.
Now you might think, "Why would after spending four to five years going to college, spending all that money and time would someone pick a carear like teaching. Well simply, they love what they do. I have heard it called getting the teaching bug, that bug bites. The amount of education a teacher must have is huge, the pay and benefits, small, very small.
Why do they do it? Its not the money. The ones who do stay and teach do it because they know it matters. They know that they are making a difference.
creedo
I know love. I know what it is to feel love. I know the pain of love The loss of love The joy of love. Can we love things? A car, a house, chair?. I learned how to love from Tami. I love Tami. I miss Tami. She has been gone for over five years. I love my kids, Brandon, Sarah and Adam. I love my wife Laurie. She and I both know the pain of love. We both lost our spouses. She loves me, she loves Mike Mile loves her We don't have Tami or Mike, but we have each other, we have love.
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
I love to hold my wifes hand. happiness wamth don't knok he over laurie is fun who cares makes me happy we do it automaticly. we hold hand in the car we hold hands everywhere. I have always liked hand holding I always get a warm feeling from doing so first gielfriend 1976 ford ltd memories of holding tamis hand that first night we met tami is first wife we held hands al the time. kids reach for mom and ad automaticly. smilesbrings us closer hold hand in sleep sometimes can you hold a dogs hand paw never nervous fair 1982 madhouse on McDowell I just love it so normal see old people holding hands Im old I am almost 50
My credo - This I beleve Love all
Milo sure likes to sleep while I am doing homework, can you hear him snoring?
This I believe, love can heal all. Love. What is it? What does it mean? The dictionary says love ; a strong feeling of affection, devotion and concern for another. Love to me, it is a way of life. Love can overcome the worst of problems.
I used to be an angry man. I would let so many things bother me. I would get mad at the wind blowing the wrong way. I would come home from wherever and someone or something would have me pissed off. I would take it out on walls, furniture or anything I could pick up and smash. This is not love. The love of my life, my wife had enough. She was scarred, more than scared, worried for the safety of herself and my son. My son was five years old at that time. She came to me one day, with all the strength and love in her heart and told me to leave, not for good, but to leave and don't come back until I got help. She was firm in her conviction that I had to get out. I was crying like a baby, terrified, scared, but she was right She loved me very much. Tears just came to my eyes when I wrote that. I will tell you why later.
My mom was a counselor. I went to her and she had been expecting me. Mom knew I had a bad anger problem, but as a counselor she knew she could not help me until I wanted help. Mom gave me a big envelope full of information on where to go and who to see. I realized that she had been compiling this information for a while. She hoped some day I would come to her for help.
I started to go through the info mom gave me. I had so much information I wasn't sure where to start. Mom told me who she thought I should see and so began my road to redemption.
I didn't know what to expect from a men's group. I had never been involved in any type of counselling . I had an open mind, I wanted to do what ever I needed to do to fix the problem. You see that's one of the sad truths about when you abuse someone. Their memories are always the same. They can forgive and they can still love, but the memories of the abuse is burned into their soul. This I had not yet learned. I was still thinking I could fix the problem. I tell you writing about this hurts so bad. This happened twenty four years ago. Time and distance help, but even the reality of time can't change what I did.
I went to a men's group that was actually for men who had been ordered by the court system to seek counseling as part of their sentencing requirements. I was allowed in with permission to this group with help from my mom's boss. The people who ran this group came highly recommended. It was nice that I was able to become part of the group, they worked only with men who had been convicted of some sort of domestic violence. I was lucky that I had not been convicted of any violent crime. I was a real mean son of a bitch I had so much misplaced anger. I will say it again, I am lucky I have never been arrested or convicted of a violent crime or domestic abuse. I am a big man. Six foot two, 260 lbs and at that time a lot more muscle. I was 27 years old.
I started the group therapy with about six other men. I can't give their names, but we were a mixed group. We came from different backgrounds and classes of society. There was a car sales man, an ex-cop, he was huge, towered over me, a radio deejay, a construction worker, a doctor and me. This was an interesting bunch. We all told our stories of why we were there and what we had hoped to learn from the group. I was surprised at how much we all had in common , as far as violence problems. Yet, we were all so different in the lives we lead.
The Dr. in charge of the group was a small, very nice man. I would also go see him one on one once a week along with the weekly group sessions. I learned a lot about why I was acting the way I was, but most importantly, I was learning the importance of how my actions were mentally damaging my wife and son. The act of smashing things and yelling and screaming while breaking all the furniture in the house is the same as, if not worse than hitting someone. I had no idea of the mental scarring I was doing to my family. I never laid a hand on my wife or son , but the violence I was doing was worse. When someone is physically abused, they usually know what to expect. When some one is being mentally abused, they don't know what to expect. With that said, physical abuse is not better, I am just showing why mental abuse is worse.
I felt so much shame at what I had done to my family. I didn't know or realize the damage I was doing. This knowledge was painful and powerful. I wanted to not be me anymore. I would buy my wife gifts to make her happy, but she made me stop. She said not to try to use gifts to make her happy, she wanted me to learn what I was doing to her and my son. She told me to keep learning about myself. I did what she asked. She was my world and I hurt her in a way that is inexcusable.
The process of healing, becoming a better man, a better person takes time. This process of spending weeks or months in therapy is just the beginning. This process of change, learning to understand what I had done wrong, what I needed to fix, this will continue for life. You can't take a six week or three month group therapy program and think " I'm cured ", nope. The group therapy was a great start for me, but this process of healing, learning, becoming a good husband and father, this is a forever commitment
I learned so much about who I was and why I was acting the way I was. The sad reality is that we do hurt the ones we love. I had heard that saying before in my life ,but didn't know the meaning until that time. I learned that I can control nobody but myself. The actions of others is not under my control. This is one of the problems that a lot of young men face in a relationship. They believe that they have the right to control their partner. This comes from feelings that a young man thinks that it is his duty to protect his family. The one problem with this idea is that a young mans partner has their own life to live. This was one of the most important things that I learned.
I learned to share my feelings, speak my mind and yes it is okay to get mad but know how to handle those feelings. I left that group learning so much about how to treat myself and others in a positive way. Most important, I learned that my wife is her own person who I cannot control. Her life is hers to do what she wants. I can't control her in any way. I had to learn that I needed to talk with people about situations that made me upset. Just don't walk away full of anger. Let the feelings out in a positive way.
This concept was freedom to me. I felt calm. I felt at peace with myself. I knew that words are just that , words. Can the words that people say make you feel bad?, yes, but can they hurt you physically?, no. If someone puts up a middle finger, I just smile and say "Have a nice day" and move on. It works. I am older now, maybe the fact that I have gotten older has made me open up myself. I enjoy the small things of life. Birds chirping, trees changing with the season. I am hopefully becoming a kind gentle soul.
Over the years since I went to the group therapy I have become, gentler, kinder. I go out of my way to help people. I hold doors for anyone. I give people smiles. I show love. That's my credo. Love, love to all, and love can set you free. The simplest things in life are wonderful. It took me a long time to figure that out. I have days when I get upset, mad at the world, we all do. But I do my best to forgive and move on. Using the knowledge that I have now learned made every day with my wife and son, and soon after, my daughter, wonderful. My son became a star student and is now a chemist. My daughter just graduated from OTC. But my wife, that wonderful, beautiful woman, passed away from stomach cancer.
That wonderful woman, my wife Tamara passed away from cancer five and half years ago. That's the tears I was talking about earlier. Oh how I love her. She taught me so much about what it meant to be loved She helped me become a wonderful dad and husband. Before I started my road to redemption, I never stopped to realize how wonderful and beautiful she really was. I knew she was an attractive woman but her heart, her soul, she had so much love inside. She didn't want things. She just wanted a roof over her head, a place to sleep and to have her family around her .She taught me about love and the power of love and that sometimes to love, you have to be tougher and stronger than you never thought you could .This I believe, love can heal all.
A true story by Scott Hasemeier.
This I believe, love can heal all. Love. What is it? What does it mean? The dictionary says love ; a strong feeling of affection, devotion and concern for another. Love to me, it is a way of life. Love can overcome the worst of problems.
I used to be an angry man. I would let so many things bother me. I would get mad at the wind blowing the wrong way. I would come home from wherever and someone or something would have me pissed off. I would take it out on walls, furniture or anything I could pick up and smash. This is not love. The love of my life, my wife had enough. She was scarred, more than scared, worried for the safety of herself and my son. My son was five years old at that time. She came to me one day, with all the strength and love in her heart and told me to leave, not for good, but to leave and don't come back until I got help. She was firm in her conviction that I had to get out. I was crying like a baby, terrified, scared, but she was right She loved me very much. Tears just came to my eyes when I wrote that. I will tell you why later.
My mom was a counselor. I went to her and she had been expecting me. Mom knew I had a bad anger problem, but as a counselor she knew she could not help me until I wanted help. Mom gave me a big envelope full of information on where to go and who to see. I realized that she had been compiling this information for a while. She hoped some day I would come to her for help.
I started to go through the info mom gave me. I had so much information I wasn't sure where to start. Mom told me who she thought I should see and so began my road to redemption.
I didn't know what to expect from a men's group. I had never been involved in any type of counselling . I had an open mind, I wanted to do what ever I needed to do to fix the problem. You see that's one of the sad truths about when you abuse someone. Their memories are always the same. They can forgive and they can still love, but the memories of the abuse is burned into their soul. This I had not yet learned. I was still thinking I could fix the problem. I tell you writing about this hurts so bad. This happened twenty four years ago. Time and distance help, but even the reality of time can't change what I did.
I went to a men's group that was actually for men who had been ordered by the court system to seek counseling as part of their sentencing requirements. I was allowed in with permission to this group with help from my mom's boss. The people who ran this group came highly recommended. It was nice that I was able to become part of the group, they worked only with men who had been convicted of some sort of domestic violence. I was lucky that I had not been convicted of any violent crime. I was a real mean son of a bitch I had so much misplaced anger. I will say it again, I am lucky I have never been arrested or convicted of a violent crime or domestic abuse. I am a big man. Six foot two, 260 lbs and at that time a lot more muscle. I was 27 years old.
I started the group therapy with about six other men. I can't give their names, but we were a mixed group. We came from different backgrounds and classes of society. There was a car sales man, an ex-cop, he was huge, towered over me, a radio deejay, a construction worker, a doctor and me. This was an interesting bunch. We all told our stories of why we were there and what we had hoped to learn from the group. I was surprised at how much we all had in common , as far as violence problems. Yet, we were all so different in the lives we lead.
The Dr. in charge of the group was a small, very nice man. I would also go see him one on one once a week along with the weekly group sessions. I learned a lot about why I was acting the way I was, but most importantly, I was learning the importance of how my actions were mentally damaging my wife and son. The act of smashing things and yelling and screaming while breaking all the furniture in the house is the same as, if not worse than hitting someone. I had no idea of the mental scarring I was doing to my family. I never laid a hand on my wife or son , but the violence I was doing was worse. When someone is physically abused, they usually know what to expect. When some one is being mentally abused, they don't know what to expect. With that said, physical abuse is not better, I am just showing why mental abuse is worse.
I felt so much shame at what I had done to my family. I didn't know or realize the damage I was doing. This knowledge was painful and powerful. I wanted to not be me anymore. I would buy my wife gifts to make her happy, but she made me stop. She said not to try to use gifts to make her happy, she wanted me to learn what I was doing to her and my son. She told me to keep learning about myself. I did what she asked. She was my world and I hurt her in a way that is inexcusable.
The process of healing, becoming a better man, a better person takes time. This process of spending weeks or months in therapy is just the beginning. This process of change, learning to understand what I had done wrong, what I needed to fix, this will continue for life. You can't take a six week or three month group therapy program and think " I'm cured ", nope. The group therapy was a great start for me, but this process of healing, learning, becoming a good husband and father, this is a forever commitment
I learned so much about who I was and why I was acting the way I was. The sad reality is that we do hurt the ones we love. I had heard that saying before in my life ,but didn't know the meaning until that time. I learned that I can control nobody but myself. The actions of others is not under my control. This is one of the problems that a lot of young men face in a relationship. They believe that they have the right to control their partner. This comes from feelings that a young man thinks that it is his duty to protect his family. The one problem with this idea is that a young mans partner has their own life to live. This was one of the most important things that I learned.
I learned to share my feelings, speak my mind and yes it is okay to get mad but know how to handle those feelings. I left that group learning so much about how to treat myself and others in a positive way. Most important, I learned that my wife is her own person who I cannot control. Her life is hers to do what she wants. I can't control her in any way. I had to learn that I needed to talk with people about situations that made me upset. Just don't walk away full of anger. Let the feelings out in a positive way.
This concept was freedom to me. I felt calm. I felt at peace with myself. I knew that words are just that , words. Can the words that people say make you feel bad?, yes, but can they hurt you physically?, no. If someone puts up a middle finger, I just smile and say "Have a nice day" and move on. It works. I am older now, maybe the fact that I have gotten older has made me open up myself. I enjoy the small things of life. Birds chirping, trees changing with the season. I am hopefully becoming a kind gentle soul.
Over the years since I went to the group therapy I have become, gentler, kinder. I go out of my way to help people. I hold doors for anyone. I give people smiles. I show love. That's my credo. Love, love to all, and love can set you free. The simplest things in life are wonderful. It took me a long time to figure that out. I have days when I get upset, mad at the world, we all do. But I do my best to forgive and move on. Using the knowledge that I have now learned made every day with my wife and son, and soon after, my daughter, wonderful. My son became a star student and is now a chemist. My daughter just graduated from OTC. But my wife, that wonderful, beautiful woman, passed away from stomach cancer.
That wonderful woman, my wife Tamara passed away from cancer five and half years ago. That's the tears I was talking about earlier. Oh how I love her. She taught me so much about what it meant to be loved She helped me become a wonderful dad and husband. Before I started my road to redemption, I never stopped to realize how wonderful and beautiful she really was. I knew she was an attractive woman but her heart, her soul, she had so much love inside. She didn't want things. She just wanted a roof over her head, a place to sleep and to have her family around her .She taught me about love and the power of love and that sometimes to love, you have to be tougher and stronger than you never thought you could .This I believe, love can heal all.
A true story by Scott Hasemeier.
fluency blog 5
Milo is very excited, he keeps trying to lick my hands and he is interfering with my writing.
Waste, not trash, but another kind of waste. I see so many people using their food stamp benefits at the local convenience stores. I know it is there personal business, but I watch people on SNAP, that is what food stamps is now called. I have no problem if someone who is struggling to feed their family gets government assistance. I get the reality that people can have personal difficulties and it is nice that our government helps to feed the families that need a little assistance.
I am not happy when I see young or older people using their food stamps at a convenience store to buy expensive junk. The other day I saw these young adults using their food stamp benefits to buy over thirty dollars worth of candy and soda. Think about how much more food you could buy at a grocery store verses a convenience store. I cook for my family and I know the value of cooking your own meals. The cost per person is much less than eating at a restaurant. I know that the people on assistance can get much more value for their money by shopping at a grocery store. By using the food stamps to buy food in an efficient manner you can get more out of the assistance money you receive. On the other hand I see so many people using their food stamps to buy expensive junk at a convenience store. This make no sense. To me this is waste.
Thank you, Scott Hasemeier
Waste, not trash, but another kind of waste. I see so many people using their food stamp benefits at the local convenience stores. I know it is there personal business, but I watch people on SNAP, that is what food stamps is now called. I have no problem if someone who is struggling to feed their family gets government assistance. I get the reality that people can have personal difficulties and it is nice that our government helps to feed the families that need a little assistance.
I am not happy when I see young or older people using their food stamps at a convenience store to buy expensive junk. The other day I saw these young adults using their food stamp benefits to buy over thirty dollars worth of candy and soda. Think about how much more food you could buy at a grocery store verses a convenience store. I cook for my family and I know the value of cooking your own meals. The cost per person is much less than eating at a restaurant. I know that the people on assistance can get much more value for their money by shopping at a grocery store. By using the food stamps to buy food in an efficient manner you can get more out of the assistance money you receive. On the other hand I see so many people using their food stamps to buy expensive junk at a convenience store. This make no sense. To me this is waste.
Thank you, Scott Hasemeier
Sunday, September 13, 2015
Fluency blog post 1 Are you enjoying Wes Moore's book; "The other Wes Moore one name two fates."
Back in the chair with Milo. I think it is funny when he dreams. His paws flop all around.
I have just started reading a book called; " The other Wes Moore one name two fates ". this is a wonderful book. At the beginning, the author, Wes Moore, gives an overview of the true life story of two men named Wes Moore. The two men lived in the same city as youngsters not far from each other. Their mothers had similar lives along with the boys. They lost their fathers/husbands early on in the story. Both boys faced hardship without having their fathers in there lives. Both mothers had similar ambitions. College seemed to play a common role in the mothers lives.
I have been blessed with the fact that I lived in a house that had both parents. My mom and dad were well educated. They had very good jobs. Me and my sister along with my two brothers never knew what it was like to be poor or do without. My parents were not rich. We were upper middle class. My mom and dad did a lot of cool things for me and my siblings growing up. We went camping, went hiking all over the Grand Canyon and I spent a lot of time in northern Arizona as a child getting to do lots of cool stuff.
The two Wes Moore's probably didn't know that life was any different because they had always been without a dad.
I have just started reading a book called; " The other Wes Moore one name two fates ". this is a wonderful book. At the beginning, the author, Wes Moore, gives an overview of the true life story of two men named Wes Moore. The two men lived in the same city as youngsters not far from each other. Their mothers had similar lives along with the boys. They lost their fathers/husbands early on in the story. Both boys faced hardship without having their fathers in there lives. Both mothers had similar ambitions. College seemed to play a common role in the mothers lives.
I have been blessed with the fact that I lived in a house that had both parents. My mom and dad were well educated. They had very good jobs. Me and my sister along with my two brothers never knew what it was like to be poor or do without. My parents were not rich. We were upper middle class. My mom and dad did a lot of cool things for me and my siblings growing up. We went camping, went hiking all over the Grand Canyon and I spent a lot of time in northern Arizona as a child getting to do lots of cool stuff.
The two Wes Moore's probably didn't know that life was any different because they had always been without a dad.
Fluency blog 2 " Why can't people drive ?".
Hello from me and Milo. Why do dogs sleep so much? Do they need extra energy to hear things to bark at?
I am surprised at the amount of bad drivers there are in the Ozarks. I am not invisible. Every day someone will pull out in front of me. When I ride with my wife, who is a very good and safe driver, people act like the car has a cloaking device. We will be safely rolling along, see a car or truck waiting to turn and with no traffic around whatsoever just before we get to that car or truck , here they come, they will pull right out, in front of THE INVISIBLE CAR!!!!!, my wife hits the brakes and works hard to miss the super intelligent nice wonderful, { and many other assorted adjectives } person. I don't get it. Why do they have to pull out at the exact second we are approaching. No other cars are around, its nuts!.. We joke about the incidents when they happen. I will say things like : Turn off the cloaking device dear and they will see you " The other thing we say is, " wow , they made it just in time. Look at all the traffic." That is a smart ass comment because there is NO TRAFFIC!
I have driven in the largest cities. Los Angeles, Phoenix ,Dallas, Houston, St Louis and most people there know proper driving etiquette. I used to drive commercial trucks, big rigs, as they are known. I have been in some of the worst traffic you can imagine. The amazing thing is that people in the big cities know what to do. You would think they the average driver in a big city would be a bad, hot headed jerk of a driver. I have seen more of the bad behavior here. I get the middle finger from nice old men and sweet looking older ladies. I get yelled at for passing some guy who was doing 22 in a 55 and he didn't like it so he crowded me almost off the road as I passed, yelling and screaming, throwing fingers with both hands. I didn't really know what was wrong so I stopped my car in the middle of the road and went to assist the old guy. I thought he was in trouble. I didn't know, he could have been having a heart attack. When I got to his truck he was yelling and screaming at me, I asked " Sir are you okay, do you need help ". He was stunned. He just sat there with a look of dismay on his face. I was sure something bad was going on. No, he just didn't like the fact that because he was going 22mph on a double yellow line road and I was behind him, waiting to pass when it was safe. I was not tail gating. I was keeping safe distance, he just didn't like being passed, that was it. He told me to just leave, I apologized for any inconvenience and he said "FU", nice old timer. I am not a perfect driver. I make mistakes, do dumb things. The difference between me and the bad drivers is that my mistakes are just that, mistakes. I do not pull out in front of other drivers because I am in a hurry or on the phone or texting or makeup or, well you get the picture. My main goal in writing this is to let people know : Be nice behind the wheel.
Thanks, Scott Hasemeier
I am surprised at the amount of bad drivers there are in the Ozarks. I am not invisible. Every day someone will pull out in front of me. When I ride with my wife, who is a very good and safe driver, people act like the car has a cloaking device. We will be safely rolling along, see a car or truck waiting to turn and with no traffic around whatsoever just before we get to that car or truck , here they come, they will pull right out, in front of THE INVISIBLE CAR!!!!!, my wife hits the brakes and works hard to miss the super intelligent nice wonderful, { and many other assorted adjectives } person. I don't get it. Why do they have to pull out at the exact second we are approaching. No other cars are around, its nuts!.. We joke about the incidents when they happen. I will say things like : Turn off the cloaking device dear and they will see you " The other thing we say is, " wow , they made it just in time. Look at all the traffic." That is a smart ass comment because there is NO TRAFFIC!
I have driven in the largest cities. Los Angeles, Phoenix ,Dallas, Houston, St Louis and most people there know proper driving etiquette. I used to drive commercial trucks, big rigs, as they are known. I have been in some of the worst traffic you can imagine. The amazing thing is that people in the big cities know what to do. You would think they the average driver in a big city would be a bad, hot headed jerk of a driver. I have seen more of the bad behavior here. I get the middle finger from nice old men and sweet looking older ladies. I get yelled at for passing some guy who was doing 22 in a 55 and he didn't like it so he crowded me almost off the road as I passed, yelling and screaming, throwing fingers with both hands. I didn't really know what was wrong so I stopped my car in the middle of the road and went to assist the old guy. I thought he was in trouble. I didn't know, he could have been having a heart attack. When I got to his truck he was yelling and screaming at me, I asked " Sir are you okay, do you need help ". He was stunned. He just sat there with a look of dismay on his face. I was sure something bad was going on. No, he just didn't like the fact that because he was going 22mph on a double yellow line road and I was behind him, waiting to pass when it was safe. I was not tail gating. I was keeping safe distance, he just didn't like being passed, that was it. He told me to just leave, I apologized for any inconvenience and he said "FU", nice old timer. I am not a perfect driver. I make mistakes, do dumb things. The difference between me and the bad drivers is that my mistakes are just that, mistakes. I do not pull out in front of other drivers because I am in a hurry or on the phone or texting or makeup or, well you get the picture. My main goal in writing this is to let people know : Be nice behind the wheel.
Thanks, Scott Hasemeier
fluency blog 3
Milo is just looking at me. He is such a wonderful little dog.
Have you ever thought about what special or strange things might have happened on your birthday? We all probably know a family member or friend that has a birthday that falls on a special day. Like my mom. Her birthday is valentines day. My wife has an uncle who's birthday is the 4th of July.
I checked to see what, if any special things happened on my birthday. My birthday is Oct. 14th. I was surprised to see that many different and special things happened on my birthday. The one thing I found out happened on my birthday was a new high altitude flight record had been broken by The X-15 experimental jet. John and Yoko appeared on the Dick Cavet show. In 1066 the battle of Hastings took place and in 1964 on my birthday Martin Luther King was awarded the Nobel peace prize.
Thank you.
From Milo and Me.
Have you ever thought about what special or strange things might have happened on your birthday? We all probably know a family member or friend that has a birthday that falls on a special day. Like my mom. Her birthday is valentines day. My wife has an uncle who's birthday is the 4th of July.
I checked to see what, if any special things happened on my birthday. My birthday is Oct. 14th. I was surprised to see that many different and special things happened on my birthday. The one thing I found out happened on my birthday was a new high altitude flight record had been broken by The X-15 experimental jet. John and Yoko appeared on the Dick Cavet show. In 1066 the battle of Hastings took place and in 1964 on my birthday Martin Luther King was awarded the Nobel peace prize.
Thank you.
From Milo and Me.
Fluency blog 4 Toilets!!!!!
Milo can't use a toilet. I have never seen a dog use a toilet, maybe they can, I just have never seen a dog do such a thing. I have seen cats use the toilet. That is a little weird, but very cool for the homeowner.
I was thinking while I was cleaning the bathroom this weekend about how nice it is to have such a wonderful device in our homes. Go back just over a hundred years or so and no one had a toilet in their home. If a person had to use the restroom they would have to go to the out house. Have you ever used an outhouse? The experience is not that nice. Most out houses are dark, cold and stink. Not convenient to use and If the weather is bad you would get wet, that sucks. I am not a fan of out houses. I know that an out house is much better than nothing, but I am so happy that today we have nice indoor plumbing and toilets.
There is some interesting history that comes with out houses. Many years ago the toilet was a common meeting place. In the days of the Roman empire, the out door type of toilet that was used had many seats. The act of "Going to the restroom" was a social event. The restroom was an outdoor area that had little benches that stuck out of a wall. Water would flow down the middle of the out door toilet to help get rid of the waste. Many people would sit on one of the many benches and socialize while doing there business. In more modern times the out house evolved to have two, three, four or more seats, or holes as they were known. An outhouse with four seats would be called a "Four holer" Just think about that experience."Crappin with Grandma", what fun.
I was thinking while I was cleaning the bathroom this weekend about how nice it is to have such a wonderful device in our homes. Go back just over a hundred years or so and no one had a toilet in their home. If a person had to use the restroom they would have to go to the out house. Have you ever used an outhouse? The experience is not that nice. Most out houses are dark, cold and stink. Not convenient to use and If the weather is bad you would get wet, that sucks. I am not a fan of out houses. I know that an out house is much better than nothing, but I am so happy that today we have nice indoor plumbing and toilets.
There is some interesting history that comes with out houses. Many years ago the toilet was a common meeting place. In the days of the Roman empire, the out door type of toilet that was used had many seats. The act of "Going to the restroom" was a social event. The restroom was an outdoor area that had little benches that stuck out of a wall. Water would flow down the middle of the out door toilet to help get rid of the waste. Many people would sit on one of the many benches and socialize while doing there business. In more modern times the out house evolved to have two, three, four or more seats, or holes as they were known. An outhouse with four seats would be called a "Four holer" Just think about that experience."Crappin with Grandma", what fun.
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Do I know my audiance?
Hello again, yes Milo is here on my lap as always. Do you think my doing college assignments with him so close will make him a smart dog? Doubtful .
I have read a number of my fellow classmates discussion's and I am starting to get a sense of who they are. The really cool thing is that there are a number of high school students in this class. I love to see young go getter's. I wish I had that ambition when I was 17. My advice to all young people in or out of high school, keep getting more education. I don't care if it's college or trade school, do some higher form of education. I say this because I did not get an college education right out of high school. I attended the local community college , I was more interested in my girlfriends. At the end of that first year I passed one class with a" C " and failed the rest. My parents said " Get a job and get out ". I was is shock and adulthood hit me right in the face.. I struggled long and hard as a young man. I got married at 20 and had a son at 22. I had no education and no direction. Money was hard to come by and the jobs were crap. I did start college again part time when I was 27 and ended up going to a trade school to become a truck driver. The reasons for my going to trade school are for another discussion. But listen to me, GET EDUCATED !!!!!!
Okay, end of that rant. My fellow classmates seem so much smarter than I. I know we all have intelligence, but after reading the discussions and posts of the other students, I am blown away by the level of maturity that they have. In reading my fellow class mates posts, I have found my fellow the knowledge they put down on paper I am becoming a better writer and responder to writings.
students have a wonderful way of writing. I enjoy their perspective. It is interesting to see the different writing styles and techniques. I enjoy looking at what time the writing has been posted. There are so many different ways and times people write. I see 8:00am, 10:30 pm, some of my classmates post at 2am in the morning! It is cool to see all the different styles. I get little tips from reading the discussions. I look at how someone might paraphrase a certain line. Others will use quotation marks in ways I never have. I also see stuff like slanted words to distinguish a phrase or name. I am very interested in these differing ways of writing and it helps me gain different perspective on writing and learn more each day.
I have always enjoyed writing. I can remember back in elementary school learning proper paragraph form and sentence structure. English class is where I knew I could do well. If I got a bad grade on a assignment, I would feel great disappointment because I really put my all into my writing. I have been out of school for so long, it feels good to get back to writing. As I write more everyday, the rules and teachings of the past are coming back. I am becoming a better writer.
This semester is barley into it's forth week and I have learned so much from my fellow classmates. I believe in the power of many to make one stronger. I can put that idea to use in this on line class. When I read and respond to my fellow students, I gain knowledge from their ideas and from their writing styles. I have learned by reading their posts. I look at the class as a pool of knowledge to gather strength from. I know that all of my fellow class mates are not perfect writers, but by absorbing
Thank you,
Scott Hasemeier
I have read a number of my fellow classmates discussion's and I am starting to get a sense of who they are. The really cool thing is that there are a number of high school students in this class. I love to see young go getter's. I wish I had that ambition when I was 17. My advice to all young people in or out of high school, keep getting more education. I don't care if it's college or trade school, do some higher form of education. I say this because I did not get an college education right out of high school. I attended the local community college , I was more interested in my girlfriends. At the end of that first year I passed one class with a" C " and failed the rest. My parents said " Get a job and get out ". I was is shock and adulthood hit me right in the face.. I struggled long and hard as a young man. I got married at 20 and had a son at 22. I had no education and no direction. Money was hard to come by and the jobs were crap. I did start college again part time when I was 27 and ended up going to a trade school to become a truck driver. The reasons for my going to trade school are for another discussion. But listen to me, GET EDUCATED !!!!!!
Okay, end of that rant. My fellow classmates seem so much smarter than I. I know we all have intelligence, but after reading the discussions and posts of the other students, I am blown away by the level of maturity that they have. In reading my fellow class mates posts, I have found my fellow the knowledge they put down on paper I am becoming a better writer and responder to writings.
students have a wonderful way of writing. I enjoy their perspective. It is interesting to see the different writing styles and techniques. I enjoy looking at what time the writing has been posted. There are so many different ways and times people write. I see 8:00am, 10:30 pm, some of my classmates post at 2am in the morning! It is cool to see all the different styles. I get little tips from reading the discussions. I look at how someone might paraphrase a certain line. Others will use quotation marks in ways I never have. I also see stuff like slanted words to distinguish a phrase or name. I am very interested in these differing ways of writing and it helps me gain different perspective on writing and learn more each day.
I have always enjoyed writing. I can remember back in elementary school learning proper paragraph form and sentence structure. English class is where I knew I could do well. If I got a bad grade on a assignment, I would feel great disappointment because I really put my all into my writing. I have been out of school for so long, it feels good to get back to writing. As I write more everyday, the rules and teachings of the past are coming back. I am becoming a better writer.
This semester is barley into it's forth week and I have learned so much from my fellow classmates. I believe in the power of many to make one stronger. I can put that idea to use in this on line class. When I read and respond to my fellow students, I gain knowledge from their ideas and from their writing styles. I have learned by reading their posts. I look at the class as a pool of knowledge to gather strength from. I know that all of my fellow class mates are not perfect writers, but by absorbing
Thank you,
Scott Hasemeier
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
This I believe. dogs and cats are different
home made food tastes best
music can stir emotion
1962 Ferrari 250 should not cost 120 million dollars
my wife is beautiful
my kids are smarter than me
I love the desert
the smartest smart people are quiet
2 percent of bad of anything can give that same thing a bad name
my dogs give me comfort
people in rural Mo do not know how to drive
mint chocolate ice cream is best
I love to hold my wife's hand
isn't fishing really catching
is there any purpose for algebra
Love can heal all
home made food tastes best
music can stir emotion
1962 Ferrari 250 should not cost 120 million dollars
my wife is beautiful
my kids are smarter than me
I love the desert
the smartest smart people are quiet
2 percent of bad of anything can give that same thing a bad name
my dogs give me comfort
people in rural Mo do not know how to drive
mint chocolate ice cream is best
I love to hold my wife's hand
isn't fishing really catching
is there any purpose for algebra
Love can heal all
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)